The first start of Term 3

The first proper day of school, Semester 2 term 3, proved to be extremely eventful - gratifying, heartbreaking, and of course, with as always with 10s03N, jaw achingly hilarious.

I rushed from the block B windy benches to Block H general office area to meet Haran Shiv Kumar and Sheryl Ang Wei Jing, both of whom were waiting with a surprise for me - belated birthday presents! Yep, as if a beautiful card and 143GB of high quality anime/scanlations/movies weren't enough, they'd insisted on getting me another present, the silly, lovable things. Hence the Legolas action figure posing proudly on the only non cluttered area of my desk! They'd spent the whole of yesterday shopping for it, even though I remember explicitly saying I didn't want anything!

Love makes the world go round, really.

First lesson in the morning, and 10s03N was already dogging away with its usual nonsense. I strode into LT5 with open arms to welcome the long awaited blast of aircon; unfortunately, all I got for my efforts was a sultry roil of moisture laden air, sickeningly warm, and a couple of sub-height beings (Chloe and Rachel, I realised upon looking down) barging rudely past me muttering "it's too hot! Let's get out!" with narry a greeting.

I could feel Elang's presence with every step into the LT, making up for the last cool weekend of the June holidays with an extraordinarily vehement radiation of heat; Zhe Yan's voice called my name with the usual Japanese inflection and before I could reply, MJ shrieked with the usual lack of propriety - upon which I was reminded of the fangirl-ing SMS I'd sent her two nights ago:

Featuring Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, my new hotter-than-Vincent-Valentine-drop-dead-gorgeous-bankai-wielding-espada-extraordinaire-complete-with-foul-language-and-kinky-hole-in-body-and-kinkier-jawbone.

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques comes scarily, dangerously close to displacing Nakago from his throne, which I had never believed possible...

But nobody messes with the sleek, serpentine shogun of Kutou. Nobody.

Back to school and the sad reality of non-spasm inducing bishounen, ZY and Vic Dog were having a typical husband-and-wife conversation over money.

ZY : Eh VicDog, you said you need how much? Eight hundred and seventy dollars is it?

Vic Dog : Yeah, but it's ok, I don't want it now you hold on to it first...

ZY : What? No la! I purposely bring so much money now you don't want to take!

Vic Dog : You hold on to it first...I just want fifty bucks, you hold on to the rest first.

ZY : Fifty? Just take everything!

MJ : Wow wow wow! Look at this husband and wife squabble! So typical! Like 'Dear, let's take out our assets and managing properly-' 'Huh? But why, I thought my money is your money and your money is my money-' 'ok, you take this amount first-' '-huh, don't need, you hold on to it, you hold on to it!-'

Tryphe (typical bluntness) : Where is Mrs Shen? Why is she so late? Don't tell me she's giving birth now.

The rest of the days passed in relatively tumoultous hours as the papers were returned to us - chemistry CT, a time challenge for everyone, including the imba pros like Elang and Shaun. ZY's testimonies to the lack of time :

1. Progressively larger handwriting as one flips through his answer script, from like font size 24 to 32.

2. A graph with the correct axis but a random curved line which makes no sense whatsoever in relation to the factors - evidently he had memorised all the graphs LCK had given us but didn't have time to think which the question was asking for

3. Two whole pages, blank, with the answers o.900g (when the question stated, specifically, the maximum amount as 0.02g) and 50.0cm^3

While queueing up to check chem CT marks -

Elang : Wah, ZY! You very angry ah! Write so big and so hard.

ZY : No la, I was rushing for time -

Me : Wah, ZY! One whole page you only write like that, expect to get marks!

ZY : Of course not, I had no time to think it through, just tikam tikam mah! -

Vic Dog : Wah, ZY! Why your graph like that, makes no sense -

ZY : (pissed) Told you all already la! I had no time!

Cheeks : Eh, you! Come to fight for marks ah! Confirm zero la. Go go. Next!

ZY : (sputtering) eh, 'cher, but...! (Cheeks turns to JJ. ZY is dejected.) Aiya, jidan... (mandarin for egg. His favourite vulgarity. Don't ask why), cannot believe my marks so jia lat. I last time chem full marks one lor!

Vic Dog : Wow, really?

ZY : Yeah. Secondary school that time, chem and maths both 100%!

Vic Dog : Wow, eh that's damn pro man.

ZY : Yeah, big deal. As if I next time apply for job that time : "sir, I got a hundred percent for mathematics and chemistry in secondary 3, please employ me!" I'll get punched in the face.

Elang : Yeah. You can also go :"sir! When I was in kindergarten I aced every single subject! English Chinese Maths all hundred percent! Please employ me!"

Elang is a howl.

Shall continue after getting Literature CT tomorrow, although it looks set to be my first and only fail.

Mission Accomplished! Part 1

Our Project Work trip to KL was lazily enjoyble, hardly a frolicsome affair; given the burnout experienced by MJ on account of consecutive late nights, out resident Crazy Woman hit the sack at approximately 8.30pm every night (or anytime after dinner).

The first day saw a successful introduction between my friends to the Parents; Dogtor demanded in frantic whispers about whether the Father was as strict as he looked, after which he proceeded to conduct himself in a manner almost worthy of a diplomat. It helped that he'd hissed MJ's verbal explosions into silence a couple of times, and that his words were just gravid with geniality. It would have been rather repugnant but for the fact that Dogtor did help to break the ice. I couldn't help sniggering at the other two whenever our eyes met - it was that odd!

Upon realizing ZY had never before eaten a mangosteen, we all pressed one on him; he didn't open it so much as crush the husk to pulp in his hands, leaving a goopy white and purple mess for him to stare blankly at.

We smiled condescendingly.

The day wore on as we lazed around in my room. MJ accepted her delegated bed with better grace than I'd predicted, seeing as how the bedsheets were pink and white and decorated with lacy pink floral rosettes.

Some people have abominable tastes. We hung around listlessly as Dogtor described several hilarious instances in his Pre U Sem group members. Something along the lines of a wedgie provoked a fight between ZY and the Dog. I'd like to say there was an all out brawl involving blood, foul language and a violently gay shag after, but that's for Shaun to write, replete with all the nitty gritty - what really happened was that ZY dragged the Dog into a few judo choking positions, each more lewd than the last, while MJ and I spectated from the sidelines and egged them on.

Sadly, no memorable photos. Details can be given upon request, especially if you are Shaun or Elang.

Following this we went out for a steamboat dinner. The Parents continued with the usual smalltalk regarding future careers, a question to which I have never provided a satisfactory answer - well, they just had to point that out to me again. Muchos appreciatos...not.

With the Parents around, the Dog was again remarkably well behaved, if a little jumpy, and happily oblivious to ZY, MJ's and my whispered comments about the change in mannerisms.

One of the dishes was a meatball filled with liquid, which Dogtor bit into, and with typical finesse, the juice squirted out halfway across the table to hit the Mother and I.

Later, ZY obliged Dogtor's request to share his drink by pouring some into his cup.

"Victor, is that enough?"

"Yes, thanks. I'm satisfied with whatever you give me, master."

MJ and I share a laugh, while ZY looks entirely bemused, the Dog exasperated, and the Parents, probably puzzled by the Dog's last word, gave us concerned looks.

On the car ride back, MJ falls asleep and Dog and I take turns to poke ZY for the fun of watching him writhe around.

The Father : "So, ZY..."

ZY : Ye (I ran a finger down his spine) -AAHH!? (he goes from a hunch to ramrod straight, and turns around to glare at me laughing.)

The Father : (asks a question)

ZY : Yes, - ah!- but actually -tsk!!- it's more of like -oi!!- Both of you!!

Yep, it was all very good fun especially because ZY spent the rest of the journey holding his sides and fuming in the middle seat while we whispered and poked away. He did retaliate on Dogtor towards the end, and with him leaning over Dog in the dark, they were in a rather suggestive position - complete with ZY growling, the Dog's bucking up and laughing rather wheezily. It was all very surreal and all that, and I'm sure Shaun would have made a complete farce out of it if he had seen it...and apparently, Dog had completely thrown all caution to the wind because my parents were just infront, listening and wondering at our state of pervasion...

Upon reaching home, we sprawled around once again pigging out on whatever food we'd bought from the pasar malam (keropok for MJ, peanut kaya cake for ZY), then MJ fell asleep (again) and ZY subjected us all to terrible JJ Lin music from his laptop.

"My favourite singer! He's so talented!" exclaims the cheenapukit dodo.

Later we went downstairs for hilarious gaming on Dog's phone.

= Commence Tap Tap = ZY starts groovin to the music, and his head bops up and down -

-"Tap tap! Tap tap! Gonna get the highscore gonna get the highscore highscore gonna gonna get the highscore highscore gonna get the high score gonna get the highscore gonna gonna..." - his fingers start galloping like a two legged horse in time to his movements.

= Commence Tap-of-War = Dogtor calmly and coolly drills the phone screen with his finger, barely lifting his finger half an inch of the screen each time.

ZY, whose fingers are far from nimble, insists on using force to make up for a lack of dexterity; the result is that he sledgehammers the screen with one finger the entire way, in tune to the Dog's aggrieved protests against phone-screen abuse.

= Commence Ice Hockey =

The only game which the Dog lost to ZY.

Dog : "WHAT! Where did that hole come from! The thing just go in like that..." (Does anyone else see the implications? xD) = curse swear mutter =

ZY : "Whoohoooo!! Oh-Kayy! Let's Go!! (Disturbingly reminiscent of Hard Gay!!)"

Second day :

I woke up at 6am and crossly realised that ZY had locked our door to the adjoining room, so I could either use the toilet two levels down or access ours through his room. Reluctant to kill my eyes with the sight of any one of them sleeping in the nude, I opted for the former, then went back to sleep.

Woke again at 8am to the scent of my mom cosseting her guests - fried eggs for breakfast, from the smell, and the voices of the Dog and my mom in cahoots - they were discussing me!!! I contemplated stomping down in self righteous anger, but decided to stay where I was and drop eaves on those wily twits.

Later, when all of us were assembled downstairs for breakfast (Roti John! such novelty!), my mom asked whether we wanted to go out that day.

Me : "I don't think so...we'll just go out for dinner at Sakae later...we'll stay at home and do work today..."

MJ and the dog started caterwhauling immediately - they'll be too bored, they'll die, they want to go shopping, they want to go kino, etc etc.

"No la, we can do that tomorrow!" I say.

ZY : "Let's do work." And that settled that.

My mom nodded approvingly at our faux studiousness.

Well, we managed to get some stuff done, at least until MJ and I hijacked ZY's laptop to drool over a Final Fantasy AMV featuring Within Temptation's 'Hand of Sorrow' - first class stuff, featuring drop dead gorgeous scenes of Vincent Valentine.

Could anyone look better? The giant golden claw makes him even cooler.

However, ZY was insulted that we'd snatched the laptop away while he was rewatching a JJ Lin performance, so he made fun of the song lyrics. MJ and I ignored him while we fangirled away.

All likeminded Valentine fans, search for "Final Fantasy Hand of Sorrow" by Darklordofdebate on Youtube.

Anyway, we ordered Dominoes pizza for lunch, and thank goodness they'd run out of the Dogtor's requested-for 'triple cheese mania' - I mean, that's so dog-like.

We went back to work and I promptly fell asleep in front of the computer, waking up to the Dog's "Emdog, you still awake?"

-Wakes up- "Yes of course!"

They looked over, saw me sprawled supine on the floor, and started laughing. Well, it was very musty...anyway my dad returned from work with a haul of durians, which we went out to eat along with other of my mom's victuals.

Durian FTW!

ZY and the Dogtor each opened a durian, and the Dogtor's remained stubbornly closed at first. Dogtor tried forcing it open sitting down, then stood up to gain more leverage.

Wasn't enough - Dog leaned forward on his tiptoes.

My Aunt : That's it, boy...use your strength!

ZY : Strength? More like weight...ten kg!

MJ starts laughing, and the Dogtor, having successfully pried the durian open, offers it around...then sticks the now empty shell into ZY's kneecap.

ZY : (mimics the Dog) Come on, triglycerides - let's go! -tiptoes- OUCH!

Yes loads of fun there, followed by the long awaited shopping spree to Bangsar Village at about 6pm.

MJ whinged continously about the high end brands in the shopping center, while ZY and Dog browsed the shops in search of formal wear. By my divine recommendation, they looked into Padini and started trying on shirts.

Both of them decided on the same shirt, though in different sizes (more Dog bashing by ZY there.)

There were some cool shots, though they actually look better in real life. Well, one does, if not the other.

Is it just me, or does the Dog look a little like a turtle? xD

Some computer pro please help me photoshop my hand out of there!

What transpired while ZY was deciding between a black or a white shirt:

MJ : I think he looks better in the white!

Me : I think he looks better in the black!

the Dogtor : I know what looks the best! (unbuttons ZY's shirt to the second button)

ZY : Eh!

Too bad I wasn't fast enough to snap a picture!!

Oh well.

Dang this blogging thing is tiring ain't it...I shall need to do continue later!

Next up : Part 2 - Featuring ZY's orgasmic expressions and the Dog's ass grabbing exploits! Till then, folks!

All together

O beloved 10s03N! The greatest blessing in many years!

Kevin : Why does Mei Jia have such a murderous look in her eye?
Mei Jia : It's because your hand is on my shoulder! That violates code number 107 section 3 line 4: NO TOUCHY TOUCHY
Kevin : Think again, one hand from Zan and the other from Elang. You should be worried about burns!
Elang : Wtv Kevin, you can come back and frame me when I have two right hands.

The Gay, the Gleeful, and the Gender-bender

It is early on a Monday morning and Zong and Vic are seated in front of a laptop discussing bio assignment and rehearsing the presentation. All is most definitely not proceeding as Vic thinks it should.

Vic : "Eh do you even know what this is or not!"

Zong : "Of course! (gestures to the picture) DNA base usually A T and C G so if A C then is incorrect base pairing!"

Vic : (wailing in frustration) "Whaaat!? Noooooo you have to discuss it in more detail! It can't be so brief!"

Zong : "No need la! So complicated for what, just keep it simple! One slide one sentence can already! First slide : the agents of DNA damage are UV light and free radicals. second slide : Free radicals are highly reactive. Third slide : ..."

Vic : "Nooooo argh you can't do it like that stop stop shaddap!!"

Zong : (ignoring Vic) " I just need to change the tone, make it more proffessional.

Elang and Em : "WAHAHAHAHAAAAAA"

MJ : "Whoa whoa early morning dogging already horr!"

(later )

It is late on a Monday morning and Zong and Vic are seated in front of a mac laptop discussing bio assignment. Except for the occasional childish squabble, things proceed smoothly until -

All of a sudden Zong realises his wallet and handphone are missing!

"Shit! My wallet and - eh, lend me your phone-" he leaps to his feet, grabs Vic's phone and proceeds to dial his best buddy Elang.

"Eh-Elang-youstillincanteenmyphoneandwalletistheredoyousee-"

In barges Elang through the door of the seventh floor classroom, obviously nowhere near the canteen anymore.

"Shit! Eh-Ileftmywalletinthecanteen---!!!" Zong exclaims, ostensibly and visibly panicked. Not only does Elang not reply with the usual droll expletive, he remains still for awhile, a facade of serene composure, then strolls over to where the mac is.

Zong blinks, bemused, as Elang lifts the mac up by the screen.

Lo and behold! Placed neatly in a stack, cool as you please, Zong's wallet and handphone!

There is a stunned silence, followed by a gale of laughter.

( a few days later, Zong calls Elang on the phone while walking to RI )

Zong : "Hello Elang! Where are you all arh?"

Elang : "Woi! Wo zai ni hou mian la!" ( imagine the coarse edged huskiness to his voice, and he speaking in the manner of a coffee shop aunty, and you'll know why we laughed! )

(later in the day)

Our very own celestial body celebrates his 17th birthday! Tan Elang, the Sun, the hot, the sio and the pro, recieves a card bearing a message of affection from each of us, the most memorable by far being written by Shornee.

"Hey sweetie, I always knew you were hot stuff, even before they started calling you the Sun. You're the best chem rep in the class, and that makes me want to put my burette in your beaker. I wonder how long it would take for a neutralisation reaction to occur? xP

See you around! Your totally sexy lover, Shorn. "

(Today!)

Em : I'm going off with Shaun during free block...

Elang (suddenly possessive) : EH don't go stealing my 'hot sexy lover!"

(later)

Zong : (completely serious tone) "Sir, there's a gay in our classroom. This is an issue you must address."

Mr Lee : "No la! Eh we must not discriminate against homosexuals."

Zong : "What?! Then he'll gay me!"

Mr Lee : "Then you get rid of him yourself!"

(later, when discussing food for class bbq)

Zong : "I don't mind eating Dog meat." (Mimes a vicious savage stabbing a fork into a chunk of meat, ripping off a hunk and stuffing it into his mouth. The act is completed by cannibalistic sound effects that effectively convey a vehement pleasure in partaking the meat of the dead Dog.)

Vic : "Oi! I'll lick you first!"

Mr Lee : (catching on to the perverse implications) walaauuuu. Anyway, I think if he really licks you right, you'll start rotting.

Involving PW.

1.

In the middle of a heated argument between two of my PW members in the canteen, Shornee jauntily steps in to contribute his two cents' (much more valuable, really) worth of thought.

The twisted one : Imagine Zong Dog standing over Vic Dog, in black leather and holding a whip, saying, "Bad dog! Down!"

The shameless one : Kinky!! I like pain!!

The clueless one : Huh? Why leather?

2.

Conversation between Vic and Mei Dog while in the library. Go figure who's who!

"We should book the bus whose tickets cost $100 per ride - the chairs are super comfortable! They can be put all the way down like beds...you can sleep on them, and everything. Even have sex!"

"You two can have a bus to yourself then, and enjoy your five hour ride..."

"Yeah...five hour ... ride...OHMYGOSH!"

"... ... ... (sniggers) especially since you'll be the one riding!"

"Five hours ride ... ouch, no, I don't think even my ass can take it!"

"(oblivious third party) I don't even want to know what you guys are referring to."

3.

(Highly perverted, this!)

"Give me back my phone! Or I'll use this marker to draw on your fur, dog."

"Right. Then you'll have to wash my fur for me! Because you're my master!"

4.

In reference to boredom and hairy legs :

"Zong Dog! One of these days, you should wear FBTs. Then shave a pattern on your legs! AHAHA..."

"..Yeah, yeah. Xiao zhar bor..."

5.

"Hey you know Zong's parents (stumbles over 'parents')-"

"(mishearing) HE'S WHAT?? PREG? As in pregnant??"

6. Excerpts of a memorable MSN conversation.

"That dumb dog! I'll make sure he suffers! By my tongue!"

"I'm sure. Is your mouth that big? xD"

"...Wth? You're overestimating him!"

"How would you know?"

"Well, we had communal bathing during class camp ... let's just say, his wasn't the size of any coconut tree or whatever."

"HAHA. And yours?"

"Wth! This is damn wrong! But anyway, mine's huge."

"(Remembers from a former conversation) And hard?"

"Yes of course."

"AHAHA PW BOLSTER FIGHTS!"

"LOL. So what, during our bolster fights, I use that?"

And that, Zhilbeh, is what I decided not to post on the class blog! x)

6.

Zong Dog logs onto his gmail account. First message title the three of us see in his inbox :

"Hot models and sexy babes looking for handsome sugar Daddy!"

(Tsk tsk tsk. Handsome? Sugar Daddy? Hot models? Sexy babes? Lim Zong - (whoops, privacy infringement.) Zong Dog? Just what have you been doing to recieve emails like these?)

7.

What we all have to say to our parents :

MJ : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not a girl anymore..."

Zong : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not straight anymore..."

Vic : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not a human...anymore..."

Em : "Sorry, mummy, that you had to meet them and see all this..."

PW meetings

Excerpts from our PW group meetings :

Members : Zong Dog, Vic Dog, Mei Dog, and Em Dog.


1.
Mei Dog : (mimes a throttling motion with fingers roughly the circumference of a neck, to Zong Dog)
Vic Dog : Hey, don't do that! It looks damn wrong.
Mei Dog: ... (lightbulb of understanding) Eh, please lor. I know it's Zong Dog, but doesn't mean his is that big...
Vic Dog : How you know, see before ah?
Mei Dog : Put it this way...if it's that thick, anyone would be able to see it through his pants.
Vic Dog : You never know...now it's only in ground state.
Zong Dog : (stunned)


2 .
Vic Dog : EEWW!! THERE’S DOG SHIT ON THAT CHAIR!
Zong Dog : What dog shit, bird shit la. I’m sure a dog’s anus that small...
Vic Dog : No way man. It’s dog shit!!


3.
Mei Dog : We should have stress and anger management sessions! Pillow fights! Let's all crash a house with our pillows and bolsters! Pillow fight! Bolster fight!
Vic Dog : Oh yeah, that would be damn fun! I can bring my bolster. It's damn big!
Em Dog : Yeah, Vic Dog...you and your bolster, 'damn big' right!
Vic Dog : Eh, yeah lor! Damn big! And damn hard somemore!!


4.
Vic Dog : This is how Zong Dog types. (mimes a dog banging on the keyboard with three fingers)


Vic Dog's perveted obsessions, as becoming steadily more explicit

Vic Dog : Why is your handwriting so big, Zong Dog? Is it in proportion to the size of your-
Zong Dog : (exasperated glare)

(next)

Vic Dog : Hey! Zong Zong!
Zong Dog : Hey! Puppy!
Tiong : Wow, so intimate!

(next)

Vic Dog : (assuming slutty face and seductive falsetto) Zong Doggg..... (strokes Zong Dog.)

(later)

Vic Dog : Eh, Zong Dog! Stop looking at me like that! Don't make me rape you!

(later)

Vic Dog : Eh, Zong Dog! Don't do that! Or I'll rape you right here and now! I'll make sure you die by my tongue!!

(later)

Vic Dog : Oh, I'd be honoured to be your judo partner! I'll make sure to grab all the right places! And make you squeal!

AND OMG THIS IS EPIC :

Vic Dog (to Zong Dog, obviously) : I'll make sure your rubber tree runs dry!!!

Zong Dog's inexorable decline into moronity

"Dogu! Dogu! That's damn dogu!"

"Vic Dog, I'll dump you into a kennel with Mei Dog. Then we'll soon see little puppies running around."

(To Vic Dog) "Go fetch, puppy! Go fetch!"

Zong Dog : (digs around in file) hahahahaha! More blank sheets of paper!

Zong Dog : (In a revoltingly sweet and condescending voice) Nonono. I want to use a fresh sheet of paper. So nice and refreshing! = Flicks paper =



Hilarity. I'm sorry if it doesn't seem funny on print. You have to be with the group itself!

The ha-ha-ha, the ha-ha-ha, and the downright ha-ha-ha

1. "Damn dog! Da-a-amn dog! Consperm got drug!!' From Da Dawgtor

2.

= Meow meow shoots, Meow Meow misses=

= Nard and the Sun take their turn to score a hoop =

= Meow meow shoots, Meow Meow misses=
= Nard and the Sun take their turn to score a hoop =

= Before Meow Meow shoots, girl shout =

"Come on! You're our only hope!"

3.

Xiao Zhar Bor : "Between Z-Dog, the Sun, and Ah-hon, who would you want to shoot, shag or marry?"

JJ : "Oh, I want to shag Z-Dog!"

Z-Dog : "You want to do WHAT to me??"

the Sun : "He wants to have sex with you."

4.

Zheyan : "Hey Zhilbeh, your spectacles are upside down..."

Zhilbeh : "Huh, really meh?" =takes of glasses and checks= "Don't have what." =puts them back on, the sides are still upside down=