The Gay, the Gleeful, and the Gender-bender

It is early on a Monday morning and Zong and Vic are seated in front of a laptop discussing bio assignment and rehearsing the presentation. All is most definitely not proceeding as Vic thinks it should.

Vic : "Eh do you even know what this is or not!"

Zong : "Of course! (gestures to the picture) DNA base usually A T and C G so if A C then is incorrect base pairing!"

Vic : (wailing in frustration) "Whaaat!? Noooooo you have to discuss it in more detail! It can't be so brief!"

Zong : "No need la! So complicated for what, just keep it simple! One slide one sentence can already! First slide : the agents of DNA damage are UV light and free radicals. second slide : Free radicals are highly reactive. Third slide : ..."

Vic : "Nooooo argh you can't do it like that stop stop shaddap!!"

Zong : (ignoring Vic) " I just need to change the tone, make it more proffessional.

Elang and Em : "WAHAHAHAHAAAAAA"

MJ : "Whoa whoa early morning dogging already horr!"

(later )

It is late on a Monday morning and Zong and Vic are seated in front of a mac laptop discussing bio assignment. Except for the occasional childish squabble, things proceed smoothly until -

All of a sudden Zong realises his wallet and handphone are missing!

"Shit! My wallet and - eh, lend me your phone-" he leaps to his feet, grabs Vic's phone and proceeds to dial his best buddy Elang.

"Eh-Elang-youstillincanteenmyphoneandwalletistheredoyousee-"

In barges Elang through the door of the seventh floor classroom, obviously nowhere near the canteen anymore.

"Shit! Eh-Ileftmywalletinthecanteen---!!!" Zong exclaims, ostensibly and visibly panicked. Not only does Elang not reply with the usual droll expletive, he remains still for awhile, a facade of serene composure, then strolls over to where the mac is.

Zong blinks, bemused, as Elang lifts the mac up by the screen.

Lo and behold! Placed neatly in a stack, cool as you please, Zong's wallet and handphone!

There is a stunned silence, followed by a gale of laughter.

( a few days later, Zong calls Elang on the phone while walking to RI )

Zong : "Hello Elang! Where are you all arh?"

Elang : "Woi! Wo zai ni hou mian la!" ( imagine the coarse edged huskiness to his voice, and he speaking in the manner of a coffee shop aunty, and you'll know why we laughed! )

(later in the day)

Our very own celestial body celebrates his 17th birthday! Tan Elang, the Sun, the hot, the sio and the pro, recieves a card bearing a message of affection from each of us, the most memorable by far being written by Shornee.

"Hey sweetie, I always knew you were hot stuff, even before they started calling you the Sun. You're the best chem rep in the class, and that makes me want to put my burette in your beaker. I wonder how long it would take for a neutralisation reaction to occur? xP

See you around! Your totally sexy lover, Shorn. "

(Today!)

Em : I'm going off with Shaun during free block...

Elang (suddenly possessive) : EH don't go stealing my 'hot sexy lover!"

(later)

Zong : (completely serious tone) "Sir, there's a gay in our classroom. This is an issue you must address."

Mr Lee : "No la! Eh we must not discriminate against homosexuals."

Zong : "What?! Then he'll gay me!"

Mr Lee : "Then you get rid of him yourself!"

(later, when discussing food for class bbq)

Zong : "I don't mind eating Dog meat." (Mimes a vicious savage stabbing a fork into a chunk of meat, ripping off a hunk and stuffing it into his mouth. The act is completed by cannibalistic sound effects that effectively convey a vehement pleasure in partaking the meat of the dead Dog.)

Vic : "Oi! I'll lick you first!"

Mr Lee : (catching on to the perverse implications) walaauuuu. Anyway, I think if he really licks you right, you'll start rotting.

Involving PW.

1.

In the middle of a heated argument between two of my PW members in the canteen, Shornee jauntily steps in to contribute his two cents' (much more valuable, really) worth of thought.

The twisted one : Imagine Zong Dog standing over Vic Dog, in black leather and holding a whip, saying, "Bad dog! Down!"

The shameless one : Kinky!! I like pain!!

The clueless one : Huh? Why leather?

2.

Conversation between Vic and Mei Dog while in the library. Go figure who's who!

"We should book the bus whose tickets cost $100 per ride - the chairs are super comfortable! They can be put all the way down like beds...you can sleep on them, and everything. Even have sex!"

"You two can have a bus to yourself then, and enjoy your five hour ride..."

"Yeah...five hour ... ride...OHMYGOSH!"

"... ... ... (sniggers) especially since you'll be the one riding!"

"Five hours ride ... ouch, no, I don't think even my ass can take it!"

"(oblivious third party) I don't even want to know what you guys are referring to."

3.

(Highly perverted, this!)

"Give me back my phone! Or I'll use this marker to draw on your fur, dog."

"Right. Then you'll have to wash my fur for me! Because you're my master!"

4.

In reference to boredom and hairy legs :

"Zong Dog! One of these days, you should wear FBTs. Then shave a pattern on your legs! AHAHA..."

"..Yeah, yeah. Xiao zhar bor..."

5.

"Hey you know Zong's parents (stumbles over 'parents')-"

"(mishearing) HE'S WHAT?? PREG? As in pregnant??"

6. Excerpts of a memorable MSN conversation.

"That dumb dog! I'll make sure he suffers! By my tongue!"

"I'm sure. Is your mouth that big? xD"

"...Wth? You're overestimating him!"

"How would you know?"

"Well, we had communal bathing during class camp ... let's just say, his wasn't the size of any coconut tree or whatever."

"HAHA. And yours?"

"Wth! This is damn wrong! But anyway, mine's huge."

"(Remembers from a former conversation) And hard?"

"Yes of course."

"AHAHA PW BOLSTER FIGHTS!"

"LOL. So what, during our bolster fights, I use that?"

And that, Zhilbeh, is what I decided not to post on the class blog! x)

6.

Zong Dog logs onto his gmail account. First message title the three of us see in his inbox :

"Hot models and sexy babes looking for handsome sugar Daddy!"

(Tsk tsk tsk. Handsome? Sugar Daddy? Hot models? Sexy babes? Lim Zong - (whoops, privacy infringement.) Zong Dog? Just what have you been doing to recieve emails like these?)

7.

What we all have to say to our parents :

MJ : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not a girl anymore..."

Zong : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not straight anymore..."

Vic : "Sorry, mummy, I'm not a human...anymore..."

Em : "Sorry, mummy, that you had to meet them and see all this..."